I’ve been strongly considering leaving Facebook for weeks now.

This weekend begins on Saturday morning by seeing that my youngest brother drove two hours to go to the zoo in my city with his wife and a couple of friends.  Did I mention that he has never been to my house in the seven years that I’ve lived here?  Posted by his wife that she was at the OKC Zoo with three other people.  Ouch.

This weekend ended by finding out that an acquaintance who had a bad case of poison ivy and posted it on FB several weeks ago, who I passed on a quick and easy way to get relief from itching – messaged me to let me know that that advice ended up getting poison ivy in her lymph system and she had to endure rounds of steroid shots and antibiotics.  All because I shared something that worked for my family in the hopes of helping her and making some kind of connection?!  I apologized and let her know I won’t share that ever again.  Double ouch.

I climbed into bed Sunday night with the heaviest of hearts.  Everyone’s life is wonderful and I’m a loser that you shouldn’t take any medical advice from.

Facebook reminds me of high school, or a year long family Christmas letter – you know the kind.  Instead of getting one page at Christmas, you get a line or two a week for a year.  Most people get on facebook to “brag” about how wonderful their lives are.  Their husband is the most romantic in the whole wide world.  Their marriage is the greatest.  Their children are the smartest, coolest, most thoughtful, most funny.  They are somewhere special  with someone special and you aren’t.  They post Bible verses so you will know they are more spiritual than you.  They take wonderful exotic vacations. They gather up in groups and talk amongst themselves.  While you watch in your backlit  front row seat. I have never seen anyone post that their husband was thoughtless that day, their kids were bratty, they haven ‘t had a quiet time in weeks, and they’ll be paying on the family vacation for years on their maxed out credit cards.

I have concerns that I will feel completely an outsider if I delete my facebook account.  How will I ever know what’s going on?  How will I ever make holiday plans with family if I don’t have the ability to message them on facebook?  Will I ever see pictures of my nephews again?  What will happen in my new homeschool moms group if I don’t have a facebook?  Will I miss events and birthdays?  Will my life lose meaning if I don’t know someone changed their profile picture?   Has having a facebook really made me a better wife and mother – or has it made me feel like I need to be a better wife and mother?  Has facebook become my conscious?  Am I living my life from status update to status update?

I question that anyone would want to be friends if we were truly honest.  I’m a sinful, selfish, jealous, hateful, spiteful, self loathing, critical, judgmental, (I really could go on) person.  Facebook has helped me though – realize who my friends really are.  My truest friend in the world is my complete opposite.   He willingly gave up his life so I could spend eternity with him.  He was and is and forever will be.  His status was written before the foundation of the world.  He knows my inmost being, scars and all.  He cares for me.  He is always with me – even to the ends of the earth.  He doesn’t have a facebook. He doesn’t comment on or “like”  my status updates.  Sometimes my spending time on facebook keeps me from doing things that he wants me to do.   He has wiped tears and washed stains away and all of that without even being on facebook.