I haven’t blogged for almost a year.  Terrible, although I know no one is hanging in front of their computer waiting for me to blog.  Heck, my own mom doesn’t even read it!!!   It’s not that there haven’t been blogworthy moments, it isn’t the excuse that I’m too busy, it probably has more to do with me being petrified of saying too much or not enough.  Something I’ve always struggled with – either giving waaaaay more information than is necessary, or not saying anything at all.  I’m a contradiction like that.

I’ve been examining my life lately.  Decisions I’ve made, things I love, things I miss, what I truly need in life.  Just probably normal stuff for someone my age.  I spend so much of my days taking care of my husband and family, that thinking of myself and my own wants and needs feels like quite an indulgence.  Reading good blogs has made me realize that I have something to share, and if it’s only for a few close friends or my immediate family, it is ok.  I am not blogging to become famous.  I am blogging for myself.  It is sweet to read through old posts and see what was happening in my life.  So what have I learned about myself?  Here are a few things:

I like coffee.  More than I care to admit.

I have a few irrational fears:  driving over bridges, being at the bank if it were to get robbed, and I sometimes worry that when I’m reading a library book I’m going to get bad germs from it.  I have a “no library books in the bathroom” rule, but don’t think anyone else does.

I can never go “home”.  For one, it doesn’t exist anymore and hasn’t since I was 13.  I plan to start writing some about my childhood, for my children to have someday.  Maybe I’ll share a post or two here.  Home for me now is what I’m creating for my children.  Hopefully they will have an appreciation for my efforts someday.  Usually when I think they don’t appreciate it is when I feel the urge to write about how differently my life was than theirs.

I like change, but not technological change.  I’m all for moving the furniture, re-arranging the kitchen cabinets to make them more functional, but mess with facebook or twitter or instagram, and I’m not happy.  Now that my favorite social media (Instagram – diannemarie68) has installed a video feature, I’m considering deleting everyone who posts a video.  🙂  Just kidding, although I’m not a watcher of videos.  Vine makes me dizzy and I find very few of them funny.  I fight to stay in control of my blog reading, instagram searching, facebook browsing, and screen time in general.  Facebook is no longer on my phone, and I am trying to take a sabbatical from social media one day a week.

I am tired of being a stuff manager.  With five kids there is a lot of stuff.  Add homeschooling to that, and a spouse who is sentimental about everything, it is a daunting task.  I am taking it one day, one cabinet, one closet, one drawer at a time.  It has taken the fun out of thrifting – I see things and I think “I don’t want to devote time and space to that”.  People not stuff has become my “mantra”.

The days truly are long, but the years are short.  My oldest turned 18 and graduated from high school.  My youngest starts school in the fall.  Now THAT will make your head spin.  I’m getting more gray hair by the second.  My kids are awesome and motherhood is my greatest accomplishment in life, but that doesn’t mean it is easy.  Especially for someone who fights perfectionism and doesn’t want her kids to carry the baggage she’s carried all these years.  My best advice is live in the moment.  Be thankful for everything – even the crappy stuff, and realize what truly matters in the light of eternity.  These are souls for Christ and His glory, not mine.

Lastly, exercise and clean eating is good for me.  Eating crap makes me feel like crap.  I still have days I don’t want to work out, but I know when I miss a workout, I’m going to feel it.  I’ve been consistent for a few months now.  If I ever get my eating and exercise in sync, I’m gonna be awesome.  I’m 25 lbs. lighter than this time last summer, and I have a personal goal of losing 25 more.  I’m so much more than a number on the scale, but I know to be the best “me” I can be, I need to be healthy and stay active.  My four year old deserves it, and I desire it!

Well, dinner and a quick errand call.